Relapse
by jesshika
Summary: Sasuke reflects on what happened before while Sakura lays in bed beside him. SasuSaku.


for my steffybabes! love you!

disclaimer: masashi kishimoto owns naruto and all it's respected characters.

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Do you question life? Do you wonder why certain things happen to you, and if they're bad, that you've done something wrong? If it rains, do you think it's because you've left something of utter importance in your house before you left?

All so pointless…

If bad things did happen to you because you've done something wrong, then why am I here? Why am I enjoying this bliss that I truly do not deserve? All I've done to everyone, to my closest friends, to people who've trusted me, to her…

Her, the only person who truly made me smile on the inside. I could never show her, of course, even though I know every moment of it caused her heartbreak. I figured that it was best I wounded her in that way so that she'd let go of me. It would have made things so much simpler when that time came. That time that I had to leave them all. To tear away any shreds of hope for them ever becoming closer to me, of them believing that I was sane enough not to go after _him_ and join that snake. To forget my past with the people I've grown to love. To leave her all alone…

Her smiles always made something in me melt, as corny as that sounds. Her eyes always sparkled with joy, even on the damp and dark missions that provided little light; I could always tell where she was. Even on those missions I could never put all the faith I had in Kakashi and Naruto to protect her, I felt like they weren't properly equipped to do it. I had to be the one to do it and no one else, because no one else knew how. Because she was special.

Is special.

All of that time away from her, her laughter suddenly fallen on foreign ears, her life drained from my memory, her warmth erased from the pores in my skin, her fragrance long washed away with the ever changing wind, her voice nothing but an old dialogue. Her bright eyes too distant too see, even with her obnoxiously bright rosette hair. I locked her away in my chest, welded the lock shut and swallowed the key, never wanting to hurt her again, never wanting to see her shed another tear for my actions.

Heh, it's funny though, I'll admit. Through everything, every last thing, she took me back with open arms. She punched me a few times, broke my nose and almost dislocated my jaw (on a few accounts, mind you), and possibly even a few toes every now and then.

Note to self: watch out when Sakura has on expensive heels and you take her out dancing after a few drinks.

I really don't deserve this, having her here, laying next to me. She told me she'd wait as long as she had to for me to come back and realize what I needed and not what I desperately wanted, I just never expected her to do it. The first few months away from her were hard, I'll be man enough to admit that. Even though we never were together and I showed her no signs that I actually had any type of feelings for her, I really missed her. I even missed Naruto, but I barely liked the guy, he was just there for entertainment for me when Sakura knocked his ass into next week. I even missed Kakashi's lateness and his face buried in another volume of Icha Icha Paradise. Life without her though, I almost walked back. Almost. I wouldn't let my heart get in the way of what my mind was telling me I had to do for years. I couldn't turn back, I wouldn't. And I didn't.

And I don't regret that.

If I would have went back, Orochimaru and Itachi would still be out there, two enemies sure to target her and take her away from me forever if I failed to protect her. That was a good enough reason for me to stay and finish what I've started.

I'm only sorry that it took so long to accomplish.

It's around here somewhere, I know it is. I could find this place with my eyes closed…

_I looked up and there it was, my sanctuary, my refuge, my old life just a tree climb away. At least I was in the mood for climbing trees. Even with my wounded arm it was easy, almost wish it were a challenge. _

_The baby blue curtains from inside the room danced in harmony with the exotic swaying wind, making it flow out the window. I braced myself, if she was the ninja that I know she's grown to be then I know she wouldn't be face down, drooling in her bed pillow. And I was right. She wasn't on her bed and was masking her chakra, making it hard for me to find her, but I know she is still in here, I felt her here when I was at the base of the tree. Perhaps the closet…?_

_I opened it. Empty. Under her bed, empty. Behind her door was also empty. I sucked in a little too much air and slowly let it out my nose. Frustrating. I'm not in the mood for silly hide and seek games._

_I froze when I felt the blade against my neck and her palm on my back, although I couldn't help but smirk, she got around me undetected. Very good._

"_Why are you here?" I could tell she just woke up and is fighting off the drowsiness; perhaps she had a long day at the hospital? If so, I feel bad for disturbing her well-deserved sleep…then again I really don't care at this point. I'm a drug addict who's been in rehab for far too long, no traces of my drug near me or in my system, and I'm about to go into relapse. _

_She's so close. My heart starts uncharacteristically pounding in my ears. I feel her touch once again being absorbed into my skin. I sigh and turn, her blade never leaving my neck, her hand dropping at her side, balling in a fist if needed. It's not going to be. _

"_Sakura…" I breathe. The name feels so foreign on my lips. _

_Her eyes light up in the dark, a small smile tugging at her lips. Her blade still never moving. I guess I deserve this._

_I move my wounded hand to her face, my fingers brushing against her hair, claiming her cheek. I slowly move my other hand and place it on top of hers and lower the blade, she lets go and it clanks to the floor. I entangle our fingers, my eyes never leaving hers. _

_I really don't deserve this. _

_I move closer to her, slowly though, because she still has her guard up. Our foreheads touch and she looks up at me, looking lost. She must think this is too fake, too imaginary. Maybe it is? I'm not so sure myself, but everything _feels_ real. _

"_Sasuke…" she whispers. Her balled up fist released, she grabs the end of my torn up and slightly bloodied shirt and pulls me closer. _

_And now there's nothing but bliss._

_The feel of her hand in mine, my fingers entangled in her soft hair, keeping her to me, afraid to let her go. Her body pressed against mine, our movements matching, her low moan as I push her to the wall. Everything is so surreal. I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be allowed to do this to her. _

_Shouldn't be forgiven._

A few years have gone by and here we are: her laying here next to me, arms around my torso to abuse my body heat, me never leaving her side since that day, old alliances are restored and all is forgotten. Well, not forgotten, but pushed aside as another burden to dismiss like it was child's play.

All that matters is that she's here, and I'm never leaving her again.

With a kiss to her slightly cold nose, I fall asleep, letting her touch intoxicate my soul once again.


End file.
